Childfree after infertility: Finding happiness beyond parenthood

An exclusive interview with Carrie, Founder of Blooming with Care

On EP38 of My Fertility Podcast we welcome Carrie, the founder of Blooming with Care. Carrie is a freelance writer based in Northern California, known for her authentic and vulnerable writing about infertility and the complexities surrounding it. Her Instagram account, @bloomingwithcare is a beacon of hope and healing for those navigating life after infertility.

Carrie, thank you so much for joining us today. I can’t tell you how excited I am for this conversation. As a fertility specialist, my role is to help people conceive, but your content about grief, loss, and finding peace speaks to me deeply. Your vulnerability creates a space that resonates with so many, and I’m thrilled to dive into this topic.

Carrie: Thank you so much for having me. That introduction was so kind; I truly appreciate it.

Let’s start from the beginning. Who is Carrie? What led you to this point in your life and to creating Blooming with Care?

Carrie: Well, I had a regular Instagram account for years. In 2014, after my husband and I got married, we decided to try for children immediately. I started documenting my journey quietly. For five years, we tried naturally. I wasn’t ready to admit there was an issue. I lived in denial, hoping every month would be different. It was exhausting and led me down a path of unhealthy coping mechanisms. I lost friendships and isolated myself.

After five years, we finally saw a doctor. We were ideal candidates for IVF and jumped right in. Our first round was successful, but I miscarried at eight weeks. A month later, we tried again. I carried my daughter for eight months, but I developed a rare liver disease called cholestasis of pregnancy. Despite assurances from doctors, it ultimately led to my daughter being stillborn in May 2017.

I can’t imagine how heartbreaking that must have been.

Carrie: It changed everything. We had frozen embryos left, so we considered surrogacy. Doctors advised me against carrying another pregnancy. It was almost a relief to hear that. We had incredible friends offer to be our surrogate. One old friend from Instagram stepped forward. She went through IVF for us twice, but both pregnancies ended in miscarriage. After the second miscarriage, I was exhausted. It had been nearly ten years.

We explored adoption, but in our area, the process felt unstable. I feared experiencing another loss. Eventually, through a lot of therapy, we chose a childfree life.

That’s such a powerful journey. I imagine the decision to stop wasn’t easy or sudden.

Carrie: Not at all. It took years and layers of therapy. At first, I resisted the idea of stopping. There’s a cultural narrative that you keep trying no matter what. But eventually, I had to choose myself. I remember vividly the day I sat in my therapist’s office, tears streaming down my face, realizing I was holding on to hope at the expense of my mental health. It was a profound moment of reckoning, acknowledging that I was exhausted, and it was okay to stop.

I’m so inspired by your honesty. When I started following you, I was struck by how candid you are about the struggles and doubts. Social media can be so curated, but you share the unpolished truth. That’s rare.

Carrie: Thank you. I’ve connected with amazing people through sharing my journey. It’s been healing for me too. Vulnerability has been my lifeline. I found that by putting my experiences out there, not only was I processing my grief, but I was also offering others permission to do the same.

When people consider ending their fertility journey, there’s often little support. What resources helped you?

Carrie: Gateway Women, founded by Jodi Day, was invaluable. Katie, who runs the Childless Collective, also profoundly impacted me. There’s an app with daily chats and virtual events that was incredibly supportive. It helped to see others choosing childfree life and thriving. The realization that I wasn’t alone in this unspoken community of women and couples choosing to embrace life without children felt like a weight lifted.

Was your partner always aligned with you during this process?

Carrie: Interestingly, yes and no. We’ve always been supportive of each other, but processed things differently. I’m the talker; he’s the silent processor. I learned to give him 24 hours’ notice when I wanted to have big conversations. That allowed him to sit with his thoughts. We didn’t always feel the same way at the same time, but we were on the same journey.

For example, after our surrogate’s second miscarriage, I was ready to stop immediately. My husband, however, needed time to grieve and process. We had to meet each other where we were emotionally, even if that meant sitting in discomfort for a while.

That’s such practical advice. I’m definitely using that with my husband.

Carrie: (Laughs) It’s been a game-changer. Allowing space for each other’s emotional processing has deepened our relationship in ways I hadn’t anticipated.

Therapy played a huge role in your process. Can you elaborate?

Carrie: Therapy saved me. I’ve been in therapy on and off since I was 15, but infertility was different. I joined virtual support groups initially. Eventually, I found a local therapist who specialized in infertility. Having someone who truly understood the experience made all the difference.

One of the pivotal moments was when my therapist asked me to envision my life in five years if I stopped trying for children. At first, I resisted, but as I allowed myself to imagine it, I felt peace creep in. It was a life filled with love, adventure, and fulfillment. That vision became a guiding light.

What about navigating social interactions? People often say insensitive things.

Carrie: I expect it now. If it doesn’t happen, I’m pleasantly surprised. I practice responses, even in front of a mirror. Sometimes I simply say, “It didn’t work out for us.” Other times, I’m more open. It depends on the situation.

For close friends, I share more openly. But strangers or acquaintances often get the shorter version. It’s about protecting my energy.

You’re incredibly brave. How did friends and family react to your decision to stop?

Carrie: Some struggled. My mom, who didn’t initially want kids, was incredibly supportive. But I worried I’d let her down. My dad and some friends had a harder time. I lost friendships too. But I realized I couldn’t let myself down to please others.

That’s such a profound shift. As we wrap up, what advice would you give to someone considering ending their fertility journey? 

Carrie: My advice would be to listen to your inner voice. If the idea of stopping keeps surfacing, give yourself permission to explore it without judgment. Start small. Imagine different futures.