Patient story: Infertility and South Asian Communities

Breaking through the stigma surrounding fertility and mental health in South Asian communities

On EP47 of My Fertility Podcast we have a deeply personal and important conversation. We are joined by Nazan, who is here to share her journey through secondary infertility and the challenges and stigma surrounding fertility and mental health in South Asian communities. 

Breaking the Silence About Infertility and South Asian Communities

A few weeks ago, you sent us an email that really resonated with us. Tell us what inspired you to write it.

Nazan: Well, I had just watched the movie Joy, and I was struck by how much of it still reflects reality, even though it was set 50-55 years ago. There was a scene where the protagonist tells her mother she might not be able to have kids, and her mother just dismisses it, saying, “Oh, don’t be silly. Of course, you will.” That moment hit me hard.

In South Asian culture—and I know many other cultures can relate—there’s still an expectation that if you are a woman, you will reproduce. If you don’t, whether by choice or due to medical reasons, it’s a taboo topic. Women hesitate to talk about even common conditions like PCOS because they worry about how it might impact their future.

I kept thinking, we’re in 2025, and we still can’t openly talk about these things? That realization is what pushed me to write to you.

That’s incredibly powerful. It takes so much courage to share these experiences, especially when they challenge deep-seated cultural norms.

Navigating Secondary Infertility

Let’s go back to your personal journey. When did your fertility struggles begin?

Nazan: I had my first child in 2015 with no medical intervention. It happened naturally, and I never imagined I’d have difficulty conceiving again. But after two years of trying for baby number two, nothing was happening. That’s when I first heard the term secondary infertility.

As someone with a legal background, I like things in black and white. But my doctors told me, We don’t know why this is happening. That was hard to accept. In my culture, if you’ve had one child, the assumption is that you’ll have another—so why wasn’t it working?

By 2021, I had switched between three fertility clinics, seen four doctors, tried naturopathy, acupuncture, cupping therapy, clean eating—everything. But year after year, I found myself asking, What more can I do? The frustration, the anger, the loneliness, and the loss of trust in my own body were overwhelming.

I can only imagine. And then, you had a health scare during treatment, right?

Nazan: Yes. In 2022, while going through an IUI cycle, I woke up one morning completely blind in one eye. I was diagnosed with acute uveitis and put on steroids. But my first thought was, I can’t tell my fertility doctor, or he’ll stop my treatment.

Luckily, my husband—who has been my rock—convinced me otherwise. My treatments were paused, and looking back, I realize how desperate I was. Infertility can make you ignore your own health because the need to conceive takes over everything.

The Cultural Weight of Fertility Expectations

You’ve spoken about how cultural expectations played a role in your journey. Can you expand on that?

Nazan: Even though I come from an educated background, cultural pressure is still a huge factor. Just three months into my marriage, people were already asking, Why aren’t you pregnant yet? And when I was struggling with secondary infertility, I feared telling anyone. It felt like I would be judged, or people would assume I just didn’t want another child.

That pressure is so intense.

Nazan: It really is. And it’s not just about me—it’s how women in general are treated. I remember after having my first son, it was like a checkbox was ticked. Okay, she did her job as a married woman. But when I couldn’t conceive again, I felt cornered and vulnerable.

People would say things like, Oh, do you just want to enjoy life? They strip away the idea that motherhood is a choice.

Navigating Boundaries & Mental Health

What advice do you have for women struggling to balance privacy and seeking support?

Nazan: First, sit with yourself and ask, What do I need? Some people thrive with big support systems, while others—like me—need space.

Then, advocate for yourself. Too often, we worry about disappointing others. What if my mother-in-law gets upset? What if my friend doesn’t understand? But the truth is, you come first. If setting boundaries makes you the “bad guy,” so be it.

That’s powerful.

Nazan: Another thing, intent does not negate impact. People may not mean to be hurtful, but that doesn’t erase the pain. I once had a relative ask if I was pregnant at a wedding—right after I had a miscarriage. She had no idea, but the impact was still devastating.

That’s why these conversations matter, so we can break the cycle.

Nazan: Exactly. I want the next generation—our daughters and sons—to grow up knowing that a woman’s worth is not tied to reproduction. These conversations are how we make that change.

Final Thoughts: Empowering Yourself & Others

If someone listening is struggling with fertility, what would you say to them?

Nazan: Love yourself. Prioritize yourself. Your value is not defined by your ability to conceive.

I once had a friend challenge me to write down three things that made me happy, not my family, not my child, just me. It was hard. But it made me realize how much we, as women, tie our worth to others.

Please, if you are struggling, know that there is nothing wrong with you. No one chooses this journey. But you can choose to own your story, advocate for yourself, and create the boundaries that protect your peace.

That’s incredibly powerful. Thank you, Nazan, for sharing your story so openly and honestly.

Nazan: Thank you for giving me this space. I hope this conversation helps others feel seen and less alone.