The journey to being a Single Mother by Choice (SMBC)
An interview with Reema Kiran, Founder of Choice Mom Coach
On EP31 of My Fertility Podcast, we are honoured to host Reema Kiran, Founder of Choice Mom Coach. Reema is an Indian Canadian woman who discusses her own experiences with fertility treatments and deciding to become a single mother by choice. In her work, she harnesses her deep empathy and her familiarity with diverse cultural sensitivities when working with women on this journey. You can connect with Reema on Instagram @ChoiceMomCoach.
You may also be interested in learning about the Donor and Surrogacy Program at Markham Fertility Centre.
Reema, thank you so much for joining us. Can you start by sharing your fertility journey and what led you to this decision?
Reema: Thank you for having me! I’ve always known I wanted to be a mom, but I never imagined I’d be doing it alone. My journey began when I decided to preserve my fertility through egg freezing. I thought I’d buy myself more time to find a partner. Unfortunately, my two attempts at egg freezing were unsuccessful. At 35, I had a stark realization: I could either wait for a partner and risk losing the chance to have a child of my own, or I could embrace single motherhood and potentially find love later.
In that moment, I decided that being a mother was more important to me than waiting for a relationship. But making the decision was only the beginning—I had to grieve the loss of the traditional family I had envisioned. This wasn’t how I’d imagined it for myself or for my child. Still, I knew I couldn’t settle for the wrong partner just to have a family.
That sounds like such a profound and emotional journey. After making that choice, what were some of the biggest challenges you faced?
Reema: There were so many challenges! First, choosing a sperm donor was overwhelming. It’s not just a logistical decision—it’s deeply personal. You’re essentially deciding who will contribute half of your child’s genetic makeup. Then, I faced unexpected infertility issues. I went through six medicated IUIs and two rounds of IVF before finally having one successful embryo transfer. That transfer resulted in my now 17-month-old daughter, who is the light of my life.
That’s incredible perseverance. How long did it take for you to go from the idea of egg freezing to deciding to become a single mom?
Reema: It was surprisingly quick. I’d always had this idea in the back of my mind, especially as I approached 30 and felt the ticking of my biological clock. But it wasn’t until I was 35, after two failed egg-freezing attempts, that I had to face reality. I realized I couldn’t afford to wait any longer.
After deciding to move forward, I gave myself six months to grieve, process my emotions, and find a sperm donor. By the new year, I was ready to begin. Looking back, I realize the information I gained from my fertility journey gave me the clarity and confidence to make this choice. Without it, I might have waited longer and risked missing my chance.
That must have been a difficult conversation to have with your family. What was their reaction?
Reema: It was tough. I made the mistake of telling my family too early in the process—before I even started egg freezing. On a family vacation, I mentioned the possibility of having a baby on my own. My mom wasn’t supportive at first. She didn’t understand the donor process and worried about the genetics being passed down. In fact, she suggested something shocking for an Indian mother: having a one-night stand so we’d know who the father was!
My brother, on the other hand, thought it was a selfish choice and worried that my child would miss out by not having a father. At the time, I didn’t have the answers to their questions or the reassurance they needed. But after seeing me go through the emotional toll of failed egg freezing attempts, they began to understand how much I wanted this. Once my daughter arrived, all their doubts melted away. She’s now the joy of their lives, and my brother has become a wonderful male role model for her.
That’s such a heartwarming turnaround. What advice would you give to someone who’s worried about telling their family?
Reema: This is a common fear among my coaching clients. My number one piece of advice is to understand that their concerns often come from love and worry, not judgment. Be as informed as possible before having the conversation. Share what you’ve learned about the process, and listen to their fears without being defensive. They’re processing this new reality just as you are.
What about your own doubts? How did you address questions like “Am I enough?” or “Will my child be at a disadvantage?”
Reema: Those doubts were definitely there. As a coach, I used my skills to work through them. I journaled, meditated, and listed all my fears. Then I asked myself: Are these fears based on fact, or are they assumptions? For example, the fear of being alone forever—was that a certainty or just my imagination? Breaking down these fears into smaller, more manageable pieces helped me see that most of them weren’t as daunting as they seemed.
If you could go back in time, what would you tell yourself at the start of this journey?
Reema: I’d tell myself, “You’re stronger than you think, and you’ll figure it out.” The challenges are real, but the joy of being a mom outweighs them all. I’m so grateful I made this choice, and I only wish I’d done it sooner.
Let’s talk about choosing a sperm donor. How did you approach that process?
Reema: It was a deeply personal and sometimes amusing journey. At first, I found myself overthinking things. For example, I’d rule out donors who wore glasses because I didn’t want my child to inherit poor vision—even though I’ve dated men with glasses! Ultimately, I focused on values. I chose a donor whose essay resonated with me and reflected qualities I wanted to instill in my child.
I also had to decide between an open or closed donor. Initially, I leaned toward a closed donor out of fear—what if my child contacted them and felt disappointed? But I realized that was my fear, not my child’s. I wanted to leave the door open for her if she ever wanted to learn more about her origins.
That’s such a thoughtful decision. How do you help your coaching clients navigate similar choices?
Reema: I encourage my clients to start with what’s most important to them. Is it physical traits, genetic compatibility, or shared values? We also discuss the importance of genetic testing to ensure compatibility and avoid passing down hereditary conditions. Breaking the decision into smaller steps can make it feel less overwhelming.
Beyond practical challenges, single motherhood can come with social stigma. Have you faced any negative reactions?
Reema: Surprisingly, I haven’t experienced much stigma. Most people in my life have been supportive. Even on social media, while I occasionally get comments about the importance of fathers, I remind myself that love is what truly matters. My daughter is surrounded by love, and that’s what’s most important.
You’ve built an entire coaching practice around supporting single moms by choice. Can you tell us more about it?
Reema: Absolutely. I started Choice Mom Coach a year ago to share my journey and to help others. I offer one-on-one coaching for women at every stage of the process—deciding to become a mom, preparing to conceive, navigating pregnancy, or adjusting to life as a single parent. Recently, I’ve focused on helping single moms avoid burnout by finding balance.
That’s such an invaluable resource. How can our listeners connect with you?
Reema: They can visit my website, choicemomcoach.com, to book a free consultation. I’m also on Instagram as @ChoiceMomCoach, where I share tips and resources for women on this journey.
Thank you, Reema, for sharing your story and insights. It’s been an honor to have you on the podcast.
Reema: Thank you so much for having me. I hope my story inspires others to embrace their own paths to parenthood.
Reema Kiran’s story reminds us that there’s no single “right” way to create a family. By sharing her journey, she’s helping to normalize the choice to pursue parenthood independently. If you’re considering this path, know that you’re not alone—and there are resources and support systems available to guide you every step of the way.