Patient story: Ontario couple’s 6 year fertility journey
On EP69 of My Fertility Podcast we welcome Tom and Alexie to our show. Tom was previously on the podcast, EP49: Supporting your partner through infertility. Tom & Alexie are partners who spent six years on their fertility journey, with care through Dr. Garcia and the Markham Fertility Centre team. At the time of recording Alexie was in her third trimester of pregnancy. We are happy to add that Tom and Alexie have since welcomed a healthy baby boy into the world. This episode was released August 2025.
Thanks so much for joining us, Tom and Alexie. Let’s begin at the beginning — tell us how this all started and how you ended up here today.
Tom and Alexie: We started trying to conceive back in 2018. At first we thought it would be straightforward, we were young and healthy — but it quickly became clear something wasn’t working. At the first clinic we saw, we did a funded IVF cycle and we ended up with two embryos, but both failed to implant. That was the first serious blow.
After that, we moved clinics and did multiple rounds of intrauterine insemination (IUI). We did six IUIs in total; one resulted in a chemical pregnancy. Eventually our doctor referred us on because they felt they’d reached their limit of what they could offer. That led us to additional IVF retrievals and more complex investigations.
The medical roadmap: retrievals, embryos, and losses
You went through multiple retrievals and transfers. Can you walk listeners through what happened medically?
Alexie: Sure. After the first clinic’s funded cycle failed, we gave IUI a real try — six rounds. The clinic we saw after that said my situation was “unexplained infertility” and referred us on. At Markham Fertility we did another retrieval and got what was called a mosaic embryo. Later, we did a third retrieval and that produced six embryos. That was a huge moment. From those, two embryos were transferred, but those transfers didn’t result in a sustained pregnancy. One transfer showed no heartbeat at ultrasound, another was a chemical pregnancy, and another was a blighted ovum. We had a D&C and then needed to decide what to do next.
That’s an intense sequence of outcomes. For readers who may be new to fertility vocabulary, a quick clarification:
- A chemical pregnancy is when a pregnancy test is positive but the pregnancy does not progress to the point of seeing a viable embryo on ultrasound.
- A blighted ovum is when an embryo implants but an early gestational sac develops without an embryo.
Fertility definitions & terms used in this interview
IVF (In Vitro Fertilization): Egg retrieval and fertilization outside the body in a laboratory; embryos are later transferred into the uterus. Alexie underwent multiple retrievals and embryo transfers.
IUI (Intrauterine Insemination): Placement of sperm directly into the uterus near the time of ovulation. Tom and Alexie did six IUI rounds before returning to IVF.
Chemical pregnancy: A very early pregnancy loss occurring soon after implantation — a positive pregnancy test that does not progress to a viable pregnancy on ultrasound. The couple experienced one chemical pregnancy during their IUI series.
Blighted ovum: An early pregnancy in which the gestational sac forms but an embryo does not develop or is not viable; Alexie had a blighted ovum that required a D&C.
D&C (dilation and curettage): A surgical procedure sometimes used after miscarriages to manage tissue removal. Alexie had this procedure after a pregnancy loss in 2023.
Mosaic / euploid embryos: Embryos can be genetically screened. A mosaic embryo contains a mix of normal and abnormal cells; euploid embryos have all cells containing a normal chromosomal complement. Alexie described having a mosaic embryo from one retrieval and later achieving euploid embryos from another. These distinctions factored into their transfer decisions.
Endometriosis: A condition where tissue similar to the uterine lining grows outside the uterus. The couple discovered endometriosis as part of the broader evaluation at Markham Fertility Centre. Markham Fertility Centre now offers Endometriosis Screening testing to patients.
Immunotherapy (in fertility context): Treatments aimed at addressing immune-related factors that may impair implantation or pregnancy maintenance. Alexie pursued immunotherapy as part of the comprehensive strategy that helped them achieve a successful pregnancy.
Taking a break — why stepping away mattered for this fertility journey
After those losses you decided to take a break. That felt like a turning point in your story. Tell us about that.
Tom: We were physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. After the loss and D&C in 2023 we felt depleted. I remember saying we needed to treat this like training for a race — you don’t constantly push without rest. We realized that if we were too worn out, the next round might not go in our favor. So we took seven months off — flew to Alaska and focused on each other. That pause let us come back refreshed and ready.
Alexie: It was one of the healthiest decisions we made. I closed my fertility Instagram account for a while and focused on self-care: eating well, exercising, and reconnecting with Tom. That time restored some resilience and allowed us to return with clarity and determination.
A new clinic, a new plan at Markham Fertility Centre
When you returned, what changed in your treatment approach?
Alexie: When we started working with the Markham Fertility Centre team, things shifted. They mapped out more of the issues that weren’t identified earlier — immune factors and endometriosis, for instance. We pursued additional testing and used immunotherapy and a fresh embryo transfer. After trying many different paths over the years, this multi-pronged approach is what ultimately brought us success. I’m now 33 weeks pregnant(!).
That multi-angle approach — looking beyond the “textbook” algorithm — was clearly important for you. You described fertility as “trial and error” — and that’s exactly how it played out.
The emotional landscape: hope, protection, and resilience
The emotional side of a prolonged fertility journey is often under-discussed. How did you balance hope and self-protection after so many early positive tests that didn’t continue?
Alexie: We didn’t find a formula. As time went on we became protective, jaded in a way, to blunt the heartbreak. The first positive pregnancy test was joy beyond words, but after repeated losses, each new positive test had a diluted meaning. It took me a long time in this pregnancy to allow myself to feel it was real; I only started sharing publicly around 20 weeks when the anatomy scan was reassuring.
Tom: Every “milestone” — positive test, rising β-hCG, heartbeat, anatomy scan — felt like more at stake: more to lose, scarier in a way. We learned to celebrate quietly, to remain realistic, and to be grateful for the small breathing spaces the doctors gave us — those moments when our clinician could say, “This is it — you’re good for now.” That affirmation matters more than people realize.
Takeaways about breaks, expectations, and advocacy
What did you learn about pauses and pacing in the middle of treatment?
Alexie: That a pause doesn’t mean you’re giving up. The pressure to “keep going” can feel like the moral high ground in some online communities — “don’t stop” is the mantra. But we found that stepping away allowed us to come back stronger. Even three- to seven-month breaks are small in the context of a six-year journey, but they can preserve relationships, mental health, and physical well-being.
Tom: I’d add: advocate for yourself. If a clinic’s plan is limited or you feel the same protocol repeated without a fresh perspective, seek a second opinion. Clinics and physicians vary widely in how they practice — fertility medicine often requires creativity and the willingness to try different approaches as new data and options present themselves. If you’re not comfortable, look for another team.
“That pause was one of the healthiest decisions we made. I stepped back from Instagram, focused on self-care, and came back stronger.“
The community and social sharing — Instagram, support & truths
Host: Alexie, you documented your journey on Instagram under “Epic Quest for Baby Riley,” and that community played a role. What was that experience like?
Alexie: Initially it was personal and therapeutic — I wanted to document our first IVF. It became so much more: connecting with people who understood the loneliness of fertility; making friends; and finding a community. It was powerful and helpful, but also vulnerable. I shared highs and lows — and at times I stepped away to preserve myself.
You mentioned closing the account during your break. How did people react when you returned and shared later stages of the pregnancy?
Tom and Alexie: There was an outpouring of support. But I also felt protective and guilty for not allowing myself excitement early on because I was scared of heartbreak. Only around 20 weeks did I start to truly accept that this pregnancy was real and safe enough to share widely. The Instagram community remained a tremendous source of empathy and practical support.
Advice to clinicians: How to do better
As a clinician who learns every day from patients, I asked you both: what do you wish fertility doctors understood more clearly?
Tom and Alexie: Include male partners. Make space for them. Give them support groups or targeted resources; don’t make them feel like passive sperm donors. Small gestures — asking permission to give a hug, addressing the man as well as the woman — go a long way. My answer to you last time really stuck: simply ask. Ask if you can hug; ask how they’re doing. That changed things for us immediately.
Set realistic expectations and be mindful that every patient processes information differently. Don’t lean too far toward ungrounded optimism without context — give patients a realistic roadmap of what to expect at each stage so the emotional toll of “false positive” milestones can be less devastating. Also, make mental-health resources more accessible inside clinics, a therapist familiar with fertility challenges can make a meaningful difference.
Thank you — I’ve taken those to heart. The notes about male inclusion and better pre-treatment counseling are so valuable. They are small changes that can have massive effects on patients’ well-being.
Final reflections on this fertility journey: what “epic quest” means now
After six years, after losses and pauses, after advocacy and community, what does this moment feel like to you?
Tom and Alexie: It’s still surreal. Even at 33 weeks, part of me is conditioned to hold back joy out of fear. But I also feel fiercely grateful — for the medical team that finally looked deeper, for the pause that renewed us, and for the community that supported us. We call it an “epic quest” because it has been exactly that: long, filled with unexpected turns, and ultimately transformative.
For me, what stands out is partnership. We showed up for each other. We learned to prioritize our relationship through the chaos. And we learned to advocate when care felt limited. If anything, this journey taught us that fertility medicine is often iterative: keep searching, keep learning, and don’t be afraid to change course when something isn’t working.
Closing words for those on their own paths
If you could speak to another couple at year one — what would you tell them?
Tom and Alexie: Be prepared for the reality that it can be trial and error. If one path doesn’t work, that doesn’t mean you are broken — it means you may need a different approach. Advocate for second opinions, seek support, and don’t forget to care for yourselves as partners, not just as patients.
Take breaks when you need them. They are not giving up; they are gathering strength. And show up fully — as a partner, as an advocate, as part of the team. Don’t let anyone make you feel like your only role is to “donate sperm.” Be present in those decisions; they matter.
Tom and Alexie, thank you for this candid, generous conversation. Your honesty about the medical details, the emotional toll, the strategic pauses, and the need to advocate for better care will help so many listeners who are struggling and searching. We wish you the safest possible remainder of your pregnancy and can’t wait to meet Baby Liam.
You can follow Tom & Alexie on Instagram @wearethereillys
This podcast episode was recorded April 2025.