Building a family at 43 with embryo donation

A beautiful story about an embryo donation fertility journey

Learn about the Donor and Surrogacy Program at Markham Fertility Centre.

Watch Alison’s CHCH news appearance.

On EP19 of My Fertility Podcast, we’re honoured to welcome Alison, a new mom at the age of 43, who built her family through embryo donation. Alison’s journey is a testament to resilience, love, and the possibilities of modern fertility options. Alison, thank you for joining us!

Alison: Thank you so much for having me. This is such an important topic, and I’m thrilled to share my experience.

The Beginning: Exploring Options for Parenthood

Many people don’t even know embryo donation exists. Let’s start at the beginning. What led you to this option?

Alison: I’ll be honest—by the time we found embryo donation, I was at the point where I just wanted a stork to deliver a baby to my doorstep! My husband and I met later in life. I was 39, and he was 40. Knowing time wasn’t on our side, we jumped into trying to conceive right away.

We worked with a fertility clinic for a year, trying IUI multiple times. This was during COVID, which gave us more time to focus on our journey, but nothing was working. It was emotionally draining, especially living in 28-day cycles, only to face disappointment month after month.

That sounds exhausting. What made you decide to explore other options?

Alison: It felt like we were spinning our wheels. I was frustrated with my body, and the process wasn’t yielding any results. After a year, my husband and I decided to pivot. We thought, “Why don’t we focus our energy and resources on adoption instead?”

We dove headfirst into the adoption process. It was a whirlwind—home inspections, background checks, counseling sessions, and even mandatory classes. But here’s the twist: during an adoption agency orientation, they mentioned their embryo donation program. That moment was like fireworks for us. We didn’t even know it was an option until then.

Learn about Beginnings Family Services.

Discovering Embryo Donation

That must have been such an eye-opening moment! How did you transition from adoption to embryo donation?

Alison: It truly was. The agency explained that they had Canada’s first open embryo donation program. For couples like us—where I had a uterus but our own embryos weren’t an option—it was something to consider.

At that point, we had already done a lot of the emotional work required for adoption. We were open to the idea of parenting a child who wasn’t genetically related to us. Learning about embryo donation felt like the missing piece of the puzzle.

Finding the Right Clinic

How did you go about finding the right team to work with for embryo donation?

Alison: We went on referral. Our adoption agency recommended clinics that embraced this concept because, even now, embryo donation isn’t widely discussed.

The agency referred us to MFC. From the moment we met the team, it felt right. They were open, supportive, and excited to help us on this journey. That’s where everything truly began for us.

From Decision to Reality: A Fast Timeline

Let’s talk logistics. How long did the process take from when you decided to pursue embryo donation to when you became pregnant?

Alison: It was surprisingly quick. Because we had already done a home study and other preparatory work for adoption, we could move faster. We started in November, and by March 14, I was pregnant. A lot of the groundwork we’d done for adoption carried over. Plus, the team at MFC was efficient and thorough. They monitored my cycle, did necessary testing, and prepared me with the prescribed medications. Everything aligned perfectly.

Letting Go of Genetic Ties

Many people struggle with the idea of not having a genetic connection to their child. How did you and your husband come to terms with that?

Alison: For us, it wasn’t a big leap. My husband grew up knowing that his dad wasn’t biologically related to him, and that didn’t affect their bond. In fact, he had a deep understanding that love is what makes a family, not genetics.

As for me, I’ve always believed in nurture over nature. I knew that I had so much “mom” in me to give, and it didn’t matter if a child shared my DNA. My main goal was to be a parent—to love, nurture, and guide a little person.

We also decided that if we needed any kind of donation to build our family, it made sense for both of us to “start fresh,” so to speak. Choosing embryo donation eliminated the potential imbalance of one of us being genetically connected while the other wasn’t.

The Concept of Openness

One unique aspect of your story is the openness involved in your embryo donation journey. Can you explain what that means?

Alison: Of course. Openness is a commitment to transparency. In our case, our child will know about their origins and the donor family.

For example, our program is a mutual match. Both recipient and donor families review profiles and choose each other. This creates a foundation of respect and awareness.

The openness doesn’t mean we’re best friends with our donor family, but there’s an agreement to stay in touch. We share milestones and photos, and there’s a commitment to maintaining a connection, even if it’s through FaceTime or email.

Choosing the Right Match

How did you choose your donor family?

Alison: We reviewed 13 profiles, each with a detailed biography. My husband and I separately chose our top three, and when we compared notes, they were the same, just in a different order!

We ultimately chose a family whose heritage matched ours. They had five embryos, which gave us multiple chances in case the first transfer didn’t work. That decision turned out to be perfect for us because the first transfer was successful—a true miracle.

Advice for Prospective Parents

What advice would you give to someone just starting to consider embryo donation?

Alison: The first step is to check your motives. Ask yourself, “Why do I want to be a parent?” If your goal is to love and nurture a child, rather than create a genetic “mini-me,” then embryo donation could be a great option.

Next, attend an information session. In Canada, the Beginnings Embryo Donation Program is an excellent resource. They’ll walk you through the medical, emotional, and financial aspects of the process.

Finally, be open to the idea of openness. It might seem intimidating at first, but knowing your child’s story is a gift—for both you and them.

A Message to Donor Families

What would you say to families who have embryos remaining after their IVF journey?

Alison: Donating embryos is an incredibly selfless act. It gives families like mine the chance to experience parenthood. For me, carrying my child and experiencing pregnancy and breastfeeding were dreams come true, all thanks to the generosity of our donor family.

Reflecting on the Journey

Looking back, how has this journey transformed your life?

Alison: It’s been life-changing. I’m not just a mom now—I’m a different version of myself. This experience has been humbling, emotional, and deeply fulfilling. And the little one..he’s incredible. Watching him grow is pure magic. He’s already so tall—much taller than my husband or me! It’s just a reminder of how unique and wonderful this journey has been.

Final Thoughts

Alison, thank you so much for sharing your story.

Alison: Thank you for giving me the opportunity. Embryo donation wasn’t even on my radar three years ago, but it’s given me the family I always dreamed of. I hope my story inspires others to explore this beautiful option.

Alison’s story is a testament to the power of love, resilience, and the possibilities that modern fertility options can offer. Whether you’re considering donating embryos or looking for a path to parenthood, embryo donation is an option worth exploring.

Through openness, generosity, and support, families like Alison’s are created, proving that love—not genetics—is what truly makes a family.

Learn more about embryo donation at Markham Fertility Centre.